I think of discipline like a growing tree. In the beginning, it needs lots of tending to and constant monitoring and correcting, but as it gets stronger and taller and older, it needs less and less maintenance. It still needs some monitoring and the occasional care, but generally, it can survive on its own.
Our children need discipline in the same way the tree needs attention. In the beginning they need us to control their environment, and show them how to act and what to say. They need us to talk them through challenging situations and set fences beyond which they mustn’t go. They need us to share our values and model our expectations for their behavior. We should be firm, yet kind, and follow through.
But as the tree starts to grow new branches and shoot upward toward the sun and gain girth and deep roots, we start to let it go and weather some storms and fight off some bugs on its own. We sit back and watch its beauty unfold.
This is what we must do with our kids. As they transition into adolescence, start giving them opportunities to make their own choices and practice what it’s like to be an adult. Give them more responsibilities and privileges and let natural consequences teach them some lessons. Talk with them about what it means to be all grown up and what skills and knowledge are needed to be an “adult.” Most of all, let them know that we are here to guide them, if needed, when making their choices.
Trust in the strength of their roots and encourage the growth of new branches. The longest, strongest branches will be the branches of self-discipline, and those produce the most colorful leaves of them all.