We have a great cat. He is a rescue. 10 years old, caught as a stray, and he’s all we could ask for. When you get a pet from a shelter you are really taking a gamble. You make the decision that barring aggressive behavior you are going to love and nurture this pet no matter what kind of personality he has. He may be the type to hide all of the time. He may be one to mark his territory on the furniture. He may decide he needs to chew up your most expensive pair of shoes. Whatever his faults, he’s yours and you are committed to working on the issues and giving him a good life.
Same with kids, right? When a child comes into your life you are taking a gamble on what type of kid you’re going to get. He may be extremely shy. He may be exuberant and constantly bursting with energy. He may be extremely curious and always dismantling your electronic devices. He may have two right feet and not interested in your beloved sports AT ALL! But no matter what, you are committed to loving him unconditionally and giving him the best life you can give him.
That’s the “nature” part of the equation. Those are the things that can’t, and shouldn’t, be changed. Those are the things that make our children unique and special. The part that is our responsibility and our privilege to provide is the “nurture.” We contribute to the personality development of our pets and our kids. It’s important to be mindful of how our decisions affect who they become.
I would love to give my cat the last licks of my tuna fish bowl. He would love it and he’s such a great cat. BUT, if I let him have the last licks of the bowl he would become obsessed. He used to meow constantly, begging to be fed. He LOVES to eat. He is definitely not the type you can leave food out for. We even bought a timed feeder that feeds him twice a day so he doesn’t associate us with food. Now he is polite and almost never begs. He is a very happy kitty, don’t worry. He purrs a LOT!! He gets high quality food and plenty of it. But he is not obnoxious the way he was when we first got him and he was obsessed with food.
As parents, we must be mindful of whether or not we are modeling the qualities that promote healthy personality development in our kids. We need to remember that we have a serious job to help mold them into adults. It never feels great to tell our kids “no,” but it may be the best thing for them.
I am sure there are people who will read this and be appalled that I am comparing kids to pets. It’s just meant to paint a picture, not to offend. I am not suggesting that kids or pets should be kept from being their unique and wild selves, but I am suggesting that some balance and discipline is necessary and the responsibility of the adults in the home.
It’s understandable why parents give in when their kids ask for things – they are great kids and they deserve it right? Or do they deserve parenting that teaches them to earn rewards, to learn how to wait for things, to figure out a way to accomplish their goals on their own, to handle disappointment, to find other ways to enjoy themselves…?