Often times parents refrain from disciplining their children because they don’t want the children to feel bad, or they don’t want to feel like they’re being mean. Unfortunately, those kids end up getting very negative messages from people all around them. Their teachers are constantly reprimanding them, other patrons in the stores and restaurants are giving them dirty looks, even the parents, themselves, end up losing their temper with their own beloved children.
Kids are aware of these things and they feel bad about themselves. And then they tend to behave even worse. It’s a vicious, forlorn cycle. So, while the parents are trying not to allow their child to feel bad, they are actually often creating the circumstances that invite negative feedback for the child.
As parents, we decide what is acceptable and what is not. We explain the rules in an age-appropriate manner, and we don’t tolerate misbehavior. We are kind and loving and fun and consistent. And when our child breaks the rules, we give one reminder and then give a consequence. We teach our children that we mean what we say so they don’t have to resort to asking over and over, having tantrums, being sneaky…
It isn’t mean to have rules and enforce them. And it isn’t really that hard. It just takes diligence and follow through. Well-behaved kids are fun to be around. They’re fun to raise.
If you are feeling bad about disciplining your child because he seems to get into trouble a lot, consider the irony of discipline. He may need clearer and more consistent messages in order to understand what he may do and where the line is that he may not cross. He may feel relieved to know exactly where you stand and exactly what your word means. Consistent discipline is actually much “nicer” than random reprimands and losing our tempers.
The irony of parent discipline.
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