We have a tendency to assume why our partners and kids do, or don’t do, things.
Ugh, he never squeezes out the sponge after washing the dishes (He’s lazy and inconsiderate). She refuses to dump the compost when it’s full (She’s an airhead and doesn’t notice the obvious). He is such a slob; how can he live like that (He wallows in his own filth)? She leaves the towel on the counter just to annoy me; how many times have I told her I hate that (She’s being passive-aggressive)?
WRONG! Our assumptions about why people do things is often wrong. People have reasons for doing things the way they do them. These may not be “good” reasons in our minds, but they are their reasons. Ask: “Would you please tell me your reasons for… I have a hard time understanding and I want to relate to you better.”
I hate the smell of the sponge and when I squeeze it out my hands stink no matter how much I wash them.
I dump the compost every time I take out the garbage and recycling. I think once a week is fine. I just push down the compost and it’s fine until Tuesday.
No one goes into my room except me and I have better things to do. If someone is going to be staying in my room, I’ll clean it.
I have a hard time reaching the towel bar to hang it back up. The garbage can is in the way and the bathroom is small so I just leave it in the next best place, on the counter.
When we try to see it from their perspective we have a place to start a compromise.