Children are designed to push limits. It is how they figure out how the world works and how they get their needs and desires met. Parents are designed to guide children by putting up “fences” so kids know where the limits are. We do this by remaining calm, firm and kind. “I can see that you are very excited to go to Joey’s house. Once you’ve cleaned up the blocks you have out, you may go to Joey’s.” Do not elaborate and lecture, do not yell “How many times do I have to tell you to put your things away when you’re done with them?!!” Just calmly state the rule with empathy in your voice, and busy yourself in another room.
There are moments as parents when you want to scream and tear your hair out. We’ve all been there. When you get to that moment, take a break. Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. Take some cleansing breaths, splash some water on your face, and look at yourself in the mirror. Say “You are a good parent. You are having a hard time right now, but you are a loving, kind, and good parent.” Then go back out there and calmly stand your ground. Neither engage in arguments, nor give up. Just remain calm and remember that if you refuse to engage in battle, you can’t be at war.
Modeling calmness in moments of frustration can help our kids learn that there are ways to work through disagreements without resorting to yelling, hitting, or hurting feelings.