We were at the park the other day having a picnic by the lake. There were a lot of people there (it was 4th of July) and I realized it was a great opportunity to observe the families and they’re interactions and take notes for future blogs. That day I saw a recurring situation: parents getting frustrated with their kids and saying “Knock it off!” or “Quit it!” or “I knew this would happen!” I noticed these parents looking stressed and harried. They didn’t seem to be enjoying this beautiful afternoon at the park with the family. They needed a strategy for how to flip a bad day into a good one…
Tip: Tell them what they CAN do (being sure they can hear you) and get up and follow through on your directions.
Examples:
Instead of “Knock it off!” try saying: “You may play with the boats or build a sand castle, but you may not throw sand.”
Instead of “Quit it!” try saying: “You may take one truck into the water at a time. Do you want the bulldozer to push the sand?”
Instead of “I knew this would happen, that’s why I told you not to do that!,” try saying: “ It’s scary to get out in the water so far. I’m glad you’re safe. Let’s make a deal that there’s no going past this plant.” Or: “Playing with toys in the water is fun, but sometimes they float away. Let’s choose three toys to bring to the water and we can exchange them for three others in a little while.”
Instead of “Well, don’t whine about being cold later,” try saying: “You may play in the sand, on the beach, but you need to come out of the water for a while to let your body warm up. Perhaps there will be time to go back in the water in a little while, but for now I need you to get out of the lake.” (Get up and say this to the child so he can hear you and be prepared to carry him, gently, out of the water if he says no).
Instead of focusing on what shouldn’t be done, focus on what MAY be done. Put the focus on the positive and then FOLLOW THROUGH!