One of the most important tenets of parenting is Mindfulness. Responding, not reacting. Taking notice of your own emotions; accepting their validity; and responding from a place of intention, rather than reacting from a place of frustration.
This can be the most challenging part of parenting, but is so important. Kids are wired to do what it takes to get what they want. It’s really almost primitive. Their instincts fuel them to find ways to accomplish their goals. They do this by pushing your buttons. They learn what works and how to manipulate you to get what they want. They are not selfish. They are not bad. They are not inappropriate. They’re normal. And they haven’t mastered how to delay gratification. So they do what they’ve learned in the past works for them. It may be playing on your sympathy and desire for them to be happy. It may be asking for what they want when you have a friend over or when grandma is there because they know you don’t want a scene and are more likely to appease them. Or it may be throwing a fit in a public place so you will feel embarrassed and want to give in to get them to stop. There are many different ways that kids accomplish their goals. So being able to control your emotional reaction will help you to make decisions that you are happy with and help you avoid parenting regrets. It may require taking a few deep breaths or ignoring a behavior until it can be addressed calmly. Not only does mindfulness help you to parent more successfully, but it models for your child self-control and how to handle one’s feelings appropriately.
But, please, be loving and forgiving with yourself. It takes a lot of practice. But if every day you get up and intend to use mindfulness in parenting, you will see improvements and will find that you are responding, rather than reacting, more often.