God grant me the serenity to accept my children for the unique people they are, the courage to guide and love them to the best of my ability, and the wisdom to pick my battles.
I have a tendency to blame myself for every mistake my children make or every flaw in their behavior. I think to myself: “I screwed them up! I should have talked to them about this, I should have taught them about that, I should have taken them here…”
And I should have. Maybe. Or maybe I was teaching them about other important things and taking them to other stimulating places, or maybe I was reading a book while they were allowed to be bored and figure out something to do.
When I’m feeling overwhelmed and concerned that I’ve missed something or that I’ve modeled something all wrong, I try to look back at my long-term parenting goals. I look at the big picture: are they happy, healthy, intelligent, kind, responsible, successful and loving? My long-term parenting goals don’t say anything about deep cleaning their rooms once a month, or not sagging their pants. They don’t say “my kids will spontaneously offer to cook a healthy dinner once or twice a week.” It focuses on the big picture and helps me to keep my perspective on my intentions for my children’s futures.
This is not to say that they shouldn’t clean their rooms once in a while and learn to cook healthy food, but if they are really opposed to participate, I go back to my parenting serenity prayer and decide: Is this a battle worth fighting? Is this part of my long-term plan? If not, I let it go or I compromise (no garbage/food/dishes left in the bedroom) and I cook a healthy dinner and know that for tonight, at least, they’re getting their veggies.
They are unique people with their own distinct interests and abilities. They are not miniature versions of me. They don’t have to value the same things I do, to the same degree. Maybe I’m not screwing up as much as I think, perhaps they are just evolving into their own individual selves. And that’s wonderful.