This is a strange time in America. Emotions run the gamut. And next week we will celebrate, as a country, a holiday which embodies graciousness, togetherness, and plentitude. We will take a moment and reflect on what we have to be thankful for and look back on where we were a year ago. Some Americans are hopeful, some are devastated, some are joyous, and some are cynical. I am in the hopeful camp. I believe that we are more alike than we are different, we just need reminding.
I often think at times like these of a something I read almost 20 years ago by the Dalai Lama. “Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”
― Dalai Lama XIV
A research study by Nick Stinnett, John DeFrain, and colleagues puts together 30 years of data from every state in the U.S. and over 27 different countries around the world to determine the qualities that make strong families. These qualities overlap in many areas and often go hand-in-hand, but are consistent in families of all races, religions, cultures, backgrounds, and lifestyles.
The top six qualities of strong families are: Appreciation & Affection, Positive Communication, Spiritual Well-Being, Commitment, Enjoyable Time Together, and Ability to Manage Stress and Crisis. Over the next six weeks, I’d like to examine more closely each of these family traits and I welcome your comments and suggestions on how your family manifests these qualities. Please share your strong family qualities with others in the spirit of promise and Thanksgiving. This is an opportunity to look at our family’s strengths, not its weaknesses. This is a time to be thankful for the things we’re doing right and feel proud of the values, traditions, and joys that we have created in our homes and for our children. And most importantly, this is a reminder that we are all more alike than we are different and if we keep our family values in mind, and at heart, we can work together. We can reach across the political divide and share a handshake, or maybe even a hug.
(DeFrain et al., 2006, DeFrain & Asay,2007)